Every Disney Story, Starring Darkwing Duck
by OverMaster
Summary: Have you ever gone to sleep without wondering, at least once that day, 'Boy, wouldn't it be swell if every Disney story starred the Midnight Mallard, the Terror that Flaps in the Night, Darkwing Duck? No? No? I thought so. Well, here's your chance to witness that firsthand. You are a fortunate one, did you know that?


_Darkwing Duck and all other characters and properties mentioned and shown here are the property of the Walt Disney Company. I make no money at all out of them, and any resemblance of the events and characters shown here with anyone or anything from the real world, living or dead, without parodic purposes is completely accidental._

_Now, let's get dangerous!_

* * *

**EVERY DISNEY STORY, STARRING DARKWING DUCK- FIRST INSTALLEMENT.**

* * *

**A Bug's Life.**

"Let's get dangerous...!" he said, adjusting his hat on...

... and then he stepped on Hopper.

"Well, well, well. That was easy enough!"

On the other hand, it wasn't as bad as being ripped apart by baby birds.

* * *

**Sleeping Beauty**.

"Now, shall you deal with ME, O Duck- and all the powers of HELL!"

Darkwing's eyes popped up as he saw Maleficent transform into a towering black dragon.

Flora waved her hand at the sword in Darkwing's hand. "Thou sword of truth, fly swift and sure, that evil die and good endure!"

But he just tossed the sword aside. "That won't be necessary, Ma'am."

"What? But-!"

He adjusted his hat on. "Let's get dangerous!" And after pushing himself against a thin, small dead tree, he used it as a catapult to toss himself towards Maleficent. "BELLY BOUNCE!"

Flora, Fauna and Merryweather watched on, aghast, how the mighty Belly Bounce sent Maleficent flying off into the distance with a scream of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA until she became a twinkle in the sky.

Darkwing fell, head first, into the rocky ground below. "Ouch."

The three good fairies looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

"I'll bet Cindy's godmother doesn't have to deal with this," Flora said.

* * *

**Phineas and Ferb**.

"Ah-hah! There you are, Perry the Platypus!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked up. "Nice entrance, but it won't help you this time! Now victory is mine, because- why are you so talkative now?" he wondered, listening to the introductory tirade of his nemesis.

"- I am Darkwing Duck!" the intruder finished, jumping feet first on the Doctor's stomach.

"Oooohhhh! I like the new clothes! Very stylish!"

* * *

Elsewhere, Gosalyn looked at the figure sitting across the table. "So, then I can spend all the night at the Movie Marathon of Merciless Marauders, right?"

Perry only made a vague strange sound out a corner of his beak.

"Thank you, Dad! You're the greatest!" Then she walked away muttering to herself. "It just isn't the same..."

* * *

**The Lion King.**

All over the Pride Lands, the call was heard. All across the wide savannah, the noble beasts gathered and raced towards Pride Rock. They assembled under and around the monolithic shadow, under the red sun, to pay their respects to the son and heir of King Mufasa and Queen Sarabi. Rafiki, the wise simian, rose into sight, holding the newborn hope for the future in his hands. He was seen by them all, as a luminous beacon of glorious things to come. He was-

- tiny, feathered, white, and sporting a purple mask on his small face.

He opened his cute orange beak and said, "Quack!"

An antelope shifted his look to the zebra at his side. "So... how was that supposed to work, anyway?"

The zebra shrugged. "I don't want to know, really."

* * *

**The Avengers**.

"Enough!" Loki angrily shouted. "You are, all of you are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creatures, and I will not be bullied by..."

Hulk grunted ferally, then looked at Darkwing.

Darkwing nodded. "Yes, Hulk. Let's pretend Loki is on fire."

Hulk grabbed Loki's legs and began slamming him against the floor, over and over. "PUT OUT THE PUNY GOD! PUT OUT THE PUNY GOD!"

And then he left him buried face up into the cracked floor, as he walked over him with a grunt.

Loki let out a long, pitiful, weak whine.

Darkwing walked over to him. "Painful, huh?"

"S-Second most painful of my life, actually..."

"Only the second?!"

"D-Don't forget, I have lived far longer than you..."

* * *

**The Incredibles.**

Edna Mode gave him an aghast stare. "You're still wearing a cape?!"

He flaunted it, in all of its purple glory. "Of course I am! It's a key part of my style! Part and parcel of my image of mysterious predator of the night! Scouting the shadows, wrapped in his cool mysterious cape, Darkwing Duck stalks evil like a politician stalks the polls..."

Edna shrieked and tossed a ball of scrunched-up designs at Darkwing's head. "NO CAPES!"

"We've gone through this before! It's necessary for an urban vigilante!"

"Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids. November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin!"

"And what's that to me? I don't fly anyway! I'll never be on the same level as a flying missile!"

"Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!"

"I go through turbines all the time! it barely bruises me!"

"Metaman, express elevator!"

"No big deal for me either!"

"Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff!"

"Like that'd ever happen to me!"

"Splashdown, sucked into a vortex!"

"Edna, the cape would rip itself off before it could pull me along!"

_"NO CAPES!"_

They stared into each other's eyes angrily for a few moments before Edna deflated with a tired sigh.

"Okay. Very well. Your funeral."

"I've been working with a cape for years..."

"I'm not going to continue discussing that. Now, about that other thing you need to change for good already..." she pointed down. "Pants."

"Pants?"

"DW, dear, it's not the good ol' innocent days anymore. People will start talking about exhibitionism and indecency... And thugs nowadays, they play dirty, they kick in the crotch. You're going to need a cup..."

"Will it make me look more masculine?"

"There are miracles even I can't achieve, DW..."

"... I'm going to interpret that as 'I can't make you ANY MORE masculine', not 'I can't make you masculine, period'..."

"You probably should..." she shrugged, rolling her eyes in a jaded way.

* * *

**Monsters, Inc.**

The closet's doors flew open, and out went a huge puff of purple smoke, and a voice.

"I am the terror, and I mean terror, that flaps the night! I am the weather forecast that predict wetness on your blankets! I am... Darkwing Duck!"

The tiny twins blinked, then began clapping and giggling. "Ducky! Ducky, ducky, ducky!"

He sighed and took his hat off. "Maybe I should start dressing in yellow and black?"

* * *

**Brave.**

The monster bear rose before him, roaring in such a way even the best tempered hearts would have been made to waver. The titanic creature loomed over him, and its small shiny eyes conveyed a sense of inhuman menace... and yet, at the same time, also a certain familiarity, something he had seen before. It was as almost as if he had met that fearsome being before, somewhere else...

Then he asked, "Grizzlikoff? Is that you?"

The monster bear roared again, on his face.

"- nope, nope, nope. Too kind and warm, I see..."

* * *

**Beauty and the Beast.**

By love, he stood now before her, transformed, changed back from the monstrous creature she had known. He opened his clear eyes and looked gently at her gorgeous face. and he smiled. And then Belle said...

"You're a duck."

"Well, yes. I mentioned I was a prince, but I never said I had been a human prince..."

"Why didn't you ever tell me you were a duck?"

"Ummm... It didn't seem that important at the time? After all, I was convinced I'd stay a beast, so..."

Belle remained still, watching him with a blank, shocked expression. The prince's servants began growing restless.

"... it's because I lost the muscles, isn't it," the Prince said.

Belle squealed "I _loooove_ ducks!" and jumped on him, mashing her mouth wildly against his bill.

Because the 'furry' sexual disorder isn't always limited to 'fur'.

* * *

**Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.**

"But she... is a duck," the Prince said, befuddled, as he got closer to take a better look. "Oh my God, I never had realized it before, but she's a duck!"

"I thought you had met before? a confused Doc asked.

"We had, but I am myopic, and glasses ruin my image, and her stepmother always kept her- Oh no, I can't do this. Not with a duck," he shook his head somberly. "I am all up for inner beauty, but... A duck is too much, sorry..." He took another closer look. "A duck in drag, even!" he cringed.

Snow White's right eyebrow twitched just the slightest bit.

The Prince hopped back on his horse and asked, "Would you happen to know where's Lady Tremaine's house?"

The dwarves pointed down the road.

"Thank you. I heard she's got some daughters in the age, and, well, better to get there before Charming does. Farewell, friends," he said, then rode his steed into the distance.

Doc exhaled a sigh.

"So, can we bury her already?" Grumpy asked. "She's starting to creep me out."

* * *

**Disney Infinity.**

Finally, the phone rang, and Darkwing eagerly jumped on it.

"Hello? I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the sure-fire guarantee of success for your next project, I am Darkwing Duck! Yes, of course it's me! Yes. No. No, no! Um. Disney Infinity. Ahhhh... of course I've heard of it! What? Um, I think I have quite a few things to consider first, you know, with my agenda always being so busy and all that... but, but I accept! Ah? Whaddya mean you only want Ratcatcher?"

_"Oh, that's how it's called?"_ asked the caller. _"Yeah, we only want the motorcycle. That was a damn fine vehicle. Best thing from that show, bar none. The kids will love it, I'm sure. You still have it, right? We've thought it'd be cool to have Stitch riding it during his reveal video..."_

"Wait, wait a moment there! I've got my pride! If you think I'm going to tolerate you snubbing me AGAIN, after you cancelled my TV series, my DVD sets, and then my comic book, despite my popularity, while helping you by lending you **MY** Ratcatcher, then you're sorely-!"

* * *

"Yep, yep, yep," he paused the video and pointed to the screen. "Look there! That's my bike Stitch is riding. They begged me for a cameo, no doubt hoping for a full appearance down along the road, but while we continue negotiating **my** contract, I was generous enough to lend them Ratcatcher..."

They asked, "Wow, does that old thing still really work...?"

"... yes. Now get out of my house."

* * *

**Next:** The Princess and the Frog! Kingdom Hearts! Pirates of the Caribbean! The Lone Ranger! Cinderella! The Jungle Book! Frozen! And more!


End file.
